Good enough or RIE / respectful parenting?

The difference between Good enough and RIE / respectful parenting is mostly one axis: praise and rewards. Good enough sits between the two; RIE / respectful parenting sits firmly toward describing what is there. They agree, more than most people expect, on physical closeness, risk and who decides. Neither is the correct one. What follows is what each asks of a parent, and where the difference actually shows up on a Tuesday.

Good enough

Winnicott's claim was that the good-enough parent serves the child better than the perfect one, because ordinary failure in small, survivable doses is how a child learns the world does not arrange itself around them. In practice this is the least doctrinaire row here: you borrow what works, you do not run a system, and you accept that a fair proportion of what you do will be mediocre and that this is the design rather than the failure.

What it asks of you

Giving up the idea that there is a method you are failing to execute
Enough steadiness that the imperfection is ordinary rather than frightening
Tolerating other parents who are very sure
Noticing when good-enough has quietly become not-enough, which nothing in the position flags for you

RIE / respectful parenting

You treat a very small child as a person who is already competent, and you say what is happening before it happens. Play is uninterrupted and largely unhelped. You wait before stepping in — not because struggle is good for them, but because the struggle is usually theirs to finish. Praise is replaced by description, on the view that a child working out what they think of their own work should not be interrupted by what you think of it.

What it asks of you

Slowness — a nappy change becomes a two-minute conversation
Sitting on your hands while something takes four times as long
Dropping "good job" as a reflex, which is harder than it sounds
A predictable enough day that a small child can anticipate it

Side by side

Where they differ

Good enough is the filled marker, RIE / respectful parenting the hollow one. Widest difference first.

D4Praise and rewards

describing what is therepraising and rewarding freely

Good enough sits between the two; RIE / respectful parenting sits firmly toward describing what is there.

G1Where guidance comes from

instinct and observationresearch, books, a named method

Good enough sits toward instinct and observation; RIE / respectful parenting sits a little toward research, books, a named method.

C1Consistency that can be heldwhat your life allows

it varies — by the day, and by who is onthe same line every time

Good enough sits a little toward it varies — by the day, and by who is on; RIE / respectful parenting sits toward the same line every time.

R2Behaviour or feeling

what they didwhat is underneath it

Good enough sits between the two; RIE / respectful parenting sits toward what is underneath it.

D1Structure

we take the day as it comesa predictable rhythm and clear rules

Good enough sits between the two; RIE / respectful parenting sits toward a predictable rhythm and clear rules.

A1Doing it themselves

doing it for them while they are smallletting them do it badly, from early

Good enough sits a little toward letting them do it badly, from early; RIE / respectful parenting sits toward letting them do it badly, from early.

Where they agree

Usually more than the argument between them suggests.

Physical closeness. Both sit between the two.
Risk. Both sit a little toward letting them meet it.
Who decides. Both sit between the two.
Response to distress. Both sit between the two.

Neither of these is the correct one

Which fits depends on what you value and on what your week actually allows — and the second of those is the half nobody writes about. The questionnaire scores both.

See which one you are already doing