Collaborative problem solving or High expectation?

The difference between Collaborative problem solving and High expectation is mostly one axis: who decides. Collaborative problem solving sits firmly toward we work it out with them; High expectation sits firmly toward the adults decide, and explain. They agree, more than most people expect, on physical closeness, praise and rewards and whose needs count. Neither is the correct one. What follows is what each asks of a parent, and where the difference actually shows up on a Tuesday.

Collaborative problem solving

Greene's premise is that challenging behaviour is a skill problem rather than a motivation problem, so incentives aim at the wrong thing. You list the specific situations that reliably go wrong, and then solve each one with the child — in a calm moment, never in the middle of it — until you find a solution you can both actually live with. It is the most procedural approach here and the most demanding on the adult in advance.

What it asks of you

Doing the work when nothing is going wrong, which is when nobody feels like it
Hearing your child's concern all the way out before offering yours
Letting go of solutions you already had in mind
Keeping a list, literally — the method does not run from memory

High expectation

Effort is not optional and standards are not adjusted downward to meet where a child currently is. The week is full, the practice is non-negotiable, and mastery is treated as the thing that produces enjoyment rather than the other way round. The position is old and widely held across a great many cultures; Chua's memoir made it visible in English and also made it easy to caricature.

What it asks of you

Supervising the practice, every day, which is mostly your time rather than theirs
Holding a standard while your child is upset about it
Accepting real friction as a normal feature rather than a warning sign
Watching for the point where the expectation stops being about the child

Side by side

Where they differ

Collaborative problem solving is the filled marker, High expectation the hollow one. Widest difference first.

D2Who decides

we work it out with themthe adults decide, and explain

Collaborative problem solving sits firmly toward we work it out with them; High expectation sits firmly toward the adults decide, and explain.

A3Expectation

their own pace, no pushhigh expectations, and pushing

Collaborative problem solving sits toward their own pace, no push; High expectation sits firmly toward high expectations, and pushing.

D3Consequences

no imposed consequences at allthe same consequence, every time

Collaborative problem solving sits toward no imposed consequences at all; High expectation sits toward the same consequence, every time.

R2Behaviour or feeling

what they didwhat is underneath it

Collaborative problem solving sits toward what is underneath it; High expectation sits toward what they did.

A4How full the week is

unstructured time, boredom is fineactivities, outings, things laid on

Collaborative problem solving sits a little toward unstructured time, boredom is fine; High expectation sits firmly toward activities, outings, things laid on.

G1Where guidance comes from

instinct and observationresearch, books, a named method

Collaborative problem solving sits toward research, books, a named method; High expectation sits a little toward instinct and observation.

D1Structure

we take the day as it comesa predictable rhythm and clear rules

Collaborative problem solving sits a little toward a predictable rhythm and clear rules; High expectation sits firmly toward a predictable rhythm and clear rules.

R1Response to distress

let them work through itstep in and settle them straight away

Collaborative problem solving sits a little toward step in and settle them straight away; High expectation sits a little toward let them work through it.

A2Risk

removing the hazardletting them meet it

Collaborative problem solving sits between the two; High expectation sits toward removing the hazard.

Where they agree

Usually more than the argument between them suggests.

Physical closeness. Both sit a little toward their own space, early.
Praise and rewards. Both sit toward describing what is there.
Whose needs count. Both sit between the two.
Consistency that can be held. Both sit toward the same line every time.
Bandwidth. Both sit a little toward having room for this.

Neither of these is the correct one

Which fits depends on what you value and on what your week actually allows — and the second of those is the half nobody writes about. The questionnaire scores both.

See which one you are already doing