Any stage

Parenting philosophy

Not which approach you have read about — which one you are already doing. Sixteen approaches, scored on fifteen axes of what you value and what your week actually allows. Nothing here has a right answer, and the result will not tell you one.

Start

9–14 questions, scored on your device. Saving is optional and comes afterwards.

approaches: 16
axes: 15
questions: 9–14

The approaches

Every one of these works for the families it suits

The shapes are drawn from each approach’s own positions, so two that look alike are alike — they are not illustrations, and nothing here is styled to flatter one camp over another.

Attachment parenting

Closeness first: respond fast, keep them near, trust the bond to do the work.

RIE / respectful parenting

Slow down, narrate, and let them finish it themselves.

Authoritative

Warm and demanding at once: clear limits, explained, and held.

Gentle parenting

Connection before correction, and never through fear.

Positive discipline

Kind and firm together, with the child in on the decision.

Montessori at home

Prepare the room, then get out of the way.

Free-range

Real independence, real risk, and much less supervision than your neighbours use.

Unconditional parenting

No punishments and no rewards — including praise.

Behavioural / structured

A clear rule, a known consequence, no negotiation in the moment.

Traditional authority

Adults are in charge, the way you were raised, and it is not up for discussion.

Low-demand, high-warmth

Warm, available, and very few rules imposed from above.

Simplicity parenting

Fewer toys, fewer activities, a strong rhythm, and a slower week.

Conscious parenting

The work is on you, not on the child.

Collaborative problem solving

Kids do well if they can — so find the missing skill, together, in advance.

Good enough

Reliably imperfect, on purpose.

High expectation

Ask for more than comes easily, and hold them to it.

The axes

What the instrument measures

None of these has a correct end, and the last group is about what your week allows rather than about what you would prefer.

Responding

R1Response to distress: How quickly you move when your child is upset, and whether the upset itself is a problem to solve.; let them work through it ↔ step in and settle them straight away
R2Behaviour or feeling: Whether the thing to address is the behaviour in front of you or the state that produced it.; what they did ↔ what is underneath it
R3Physical closeness: How much bodily closeness the early years involve — carrying, contact, where everyone sleeps.; their own space, early ↔ carried, close, sleeping near us

Direction and limits

D1Structure: How much of the day is settled in advance rather than decided as you go.; we take the day as it comes ↔ a predictable rhythm and clear rules
D2Who decides: Where a disagreement actually gets settled — negotiated with the child, or decided for them.; we work it out with them ↔ the adults decide, and explain
D3Consequences: Whether breaking a limit produces something you impose, and how reliably.; no imposed consequences at all ↔ the same consequence, every time
D4Praise and rewards: Whether good behaviour and effort get rewarded, or noticed without being rewarded.; describing what is there ↔ praising and rewarding freely

Autonomy and risk

A1Doing it themselves: Who puts the shoes on, once the child could technically do it and it would take four times as long.; doing it for them while they are small ↔ letting them do it badly, from early
A2Risk: What you do about the climbing frame that is slightly too high.; removing the hazard ↔ letting them meet it
A3Expectation: Whether you ask for more than comes easily, and how hard.; their own pace, no push ↔ high expectations, and pushing
A4How full the week is: How much of a child's time is filled with something arranged by an adult.; unstructured time, boredom is fine ↔ activities, outings, things laid on

Where guidance comes from

G1Where guidance comes from: What you reach for when you genuinely do not know what to do.; instinct and observation ↔ research, books, a named method
G2Whose needs count: Whether a parent's own limits are a legitimate input into a decision, or something to override.; the child's needs come first, always ↔ the adults in the house count too

What your life allows

C1Consistency that can be heldconstraint: Not what you would like to manage. What actually happens across a real week, including the bad days.; it varies — by the day, and by who is on ↔ the same line every time
C2Bandwidthconstraint: How much time, energy and adult help there genuinely is, which is a fact about your life and not about you.; running on empty ↔ having room for this

Compared, two at a time

Where two approaches differ

What each asks, and where the difference shows up on a Tuesday. Generated from the same sourced grid the questionnaire scores against.